What Kind Of Fool Doesn't Think About It...

I skipped school today. Kind of. At 5AM I felt so fucking sick. I had a headache and couldn't get up. I am fine now. Still a bit tired feeling and lots of flem. FRICK.

At least now I can study for my test tomorrow. I should've started a few days ago. What the hell did I do for the past few days. NOTHING. NADDA. Except go to work the last two days but that doesn't count.

I asked my mum what being called "not physically attractive" meant. And she said that it meant that it was the same as being called ugly. So, I'm ugly. This damn comment has been on my mine for the past days now. FRICK.

- M

& Party & Bullshit

Lately I've been spending g's like it ain't no thang.

I need to stop now, I'm seriously running out of funds... so much so I'm afraid I can't go to the UK. And I need to go there, for real.

I'm also stressing the fuck out about school. My brain is still on winter vacation, I swear. And for some reason I never have time to do homework. I need to stop going out. More specifically dining out. Even more specifically, paying for people. Becky still owes me $100.00!

I'm also stressing out about my physical appearance. The dude I'm seeing told me he didn't find me physically attractive. I was kind of bummed because he just called me ugly in a way. I admit, I knew he thought so... but did he have to tell me that he thought that way about me? I told him I didn't like the way he dressed and I felt super bad about that but... hmmmm. Josh says he's lying because he still has sex with me every freaking week but I just think he is just desperate and I'm the only girl that will sleep with him and until he finds someone else to do the deed with I will have to surfice.

I asked him if he was using me for sex and he said "no". But for some reason I don't believe him. This is like the Blain thing all over again except more nice since Blain and I never really talked when people were around. Haha. Nor did we really hang out one-on-one.

I am sick and all this stressing out probably won't make me feel any better. G'damn.

I need to lose weight. I need to find time for things. I need money. I need lots of things.

Day Tripper

So, I want school to be over now. I'm so over it. Unfortunately, when school ends I have to start paying off my student loans which I'm not too stoked about. I kind of like school though in a way because it keeps me grounded y'know? What would I be doing if I wasn't in school? Probably fucking around, drinking and doing drugs every night which isn't cool. This winter break though, was pretty much one of the best winter breaks I've ever had.

My winter break consisted of lots sex, drugs and rock 'n roll. For real. And lots of lounging around and hanging out with family and friends. Haha. It was so fun though and I just want to rewind. Why can't we just rewind?

Anyways, I've been thinking about myself and my love life a lot lately. Even though I wasn't too stoked about being tied down, it feels kind of nice you know? Someone there to cuddle with and talk to and just generally hang out with.... Every guy I seem to meet though has been a douchebag. Yu and I were talking about that yesterday and she agreed. So I decided something, if the next few guys I meet and date are douchebags, I'm swearing off men forever.

Yu #2 is leaving for Japan in two days. I am kind of sad because now who am I going to go to shows with? The last show we went together was Soulwax all the way in October. We did E (him for the first time) and had some fun times. Now he is leaving and I am sad. Now who will I go to shows with? Haha. Oh well, I'm meeting him for some tea tomorrow so at least I get to see him before I never get to see him again. Haha.

I am supposed to go to court on Thursday... maybe. I think? I wrote a written reasons report but didn't send it in until 4 weeks ago and still haven't got a reply... mind you I haven't been home in two days... but I doubt it will come! I don't want to go to court!! I'm scared and if the cop who gave me the ticket shows up I have to pay! Stupid me. Don't drink on the skytrain kids.

I need to start eating less but seriously, when I'm stressed I eat and eat and eat. What do I have to be stressed out about? Lots. I stress out about myself and other people. I really need to stop that.

- m.

Spending G's

So, I met this dude on NYE at the Biltmore. I was fucking high out of my mind and I guess I started making out with him. I brought him back to Becky's house with us thinking it would be a one night stand. Well, this dude was totally nice and not a total douchebag the next day like they usually are.. haha.

I guess twice a week since new years, we've met up and hung out and fucked.

I admit, at first I didn't really "like" him but then after talking to him I grew to like him, because although we are totally different people we have a lot to say. I guess we kind of decided on an open relationship where you know, where we can fuck other people basically. I was cool since I don't want to be tied down anyways you know... Not at age twenty anyways, and I don't really believe in monogamous relationships. Anyways, everytime we meet up we always get drunk or do drugs of some sort. I'm not too sure why but we did.

Two times that we did hang out though, was pretty shitty. We got pretty drunk (hellllllllllllo 151) and exchanged some words. Even though he apologized I think part of it was my fault since I was the one that aggravated him by disagreeing with everything he was saying or saying he was lying. I think that the last Saturday was the worst though.

We decided that before we were going to see Metronomy we were going to drop acid. I have never done acid before so I had no idea what to expect. I did two hits of acid and didn't really feel anything until Fan Death played. THEN I WAS FUCKED. I couldn't even see where I was walking, I was seeing waves and colours were more vivid. I left himat the venue because I didn't want to ruin his chances with getting with another girl and I knew if I was with him I would probably cling on to him not knowing where to go.. and plus I didn't want to ruin his trip. So, I watched the show and danced by myself but after Metronomy played I got totally paranoid thinking if he did leave me at the show how the hell would I get home since all my stuff was at his house and I had no idea where exactly he lived and how I could get a taxi. I talked to the guys from Metronomy for a while and then called Becky who then gave the phone to James who helped me out a lot! It was rad because I thought he was mad at me (long story, another entry) and he had a bad trip himself once. Thank goodness I eventually found him who was talking to this girl from highschool who's friend had a huge crush on him in high school and even stalked him (all together now, "awwww") and then she asked if we were going out. I said "no" because obviously I didn't want to ruin his chances with her and he obviously found her attractive. So eventually we left and waited for a taxi and finally found one. When we got back to his place, I was still feeling it and we just sat there and chilled. There were lots of disagreements and I really, really aggravated him. He said some things that made me upset like, "don't get hung up on me.." and when I said I wasn't he was pissed and other things like "I'm only keeping you around until someone better comes around" which he admitted the next morning to be true(!!!) so I was thinking, is this guy a douchebag and like he'll find someone more attractive and be like, "see ya Michelle". I was kind of bummed. He was also kind of angry when we had sex afterwards so of course it wasn't that enjoyable. By 6AM I was still feeling the acid and decided to stay up and pull an allnighter since I had to work the next day at 12:30. In the morning though, he apologized and I swore he cried. I didn't know what to say or how to feel so I just accepted his apology.

I went to work and afterwards we decided to see a movie. We saw Nortorious (which is totally amazing by the way) and before the movie he apologized about everything and wanted to "start fresh" and I agreed and accepted because it was pretty sincere.

Also, while I was at work he wrote this poem:

"From your chromosomes to the symmetrical unity of your bones
you come equipped with luscious lips, voluptuous hips,and a gyrating fix which hits me faster than an acid trip.
When we kiss our eyes become transfixed like the infinite sunshine with its magnetic mix,
so fix me a jin and tonic while I roll some kronik
and we’ll let the ashes disintegrate as we fornicate."

I loved it but I'm still unsure about things. It was also kind of awkward after the movie but we'll see how it goes.

I hate being confused.

- m

PS= Don't do acid in public places.

Search This CIty

I always say I'm going to write in this but I always forget!

Actually, it's probably because I really have nothing to say... haha

Life is going alright...

I've been stressed out though because of board exam results, school, $$, etc. etccc. Hell, I've even found a few white hairs!! I would hate to be gray by the time I turn 25.

I've decided to go on a diet. I hope to lose at least 10 lbs or 5 kgs before NYE so I can kiss someone decent... if I decide what I want to do yet! I bought tickets to this...

Yeah, I hope it will be good. I'm only going to this shiz because it's cheap and they're going to play good music? I'm a bit concerned about the location... (the heart of bum town) bút I will manage.

This will probably be the first time that all my friends and I will be split up on NYE but whatevv, it will beat what I did last year... (crashed a scene kid party, kissed an ugly guy, threw up a few, spilt a few, slept on the floor, awkward morning...)

SCHOOLS OUT IN A WEEK! I'm stoked, hopefully I'll make some more $$$ before X-MAS because I need a dress and hopefully a leather jacket?

Actually, if I find some nice material I'll probably make my dress... Well, if I find the time.

Old Habits Die Hard

This weekend was a totally randomm weekend it was unbelieveable.

First off, on Friday I had a job interview at Sears (HEHH) Optical which went alright, except she asked me about my nationality which she has no right to ask! They supposedly, were only looking for East Indian and Caucasian people at the moment and no Asians. I am half Japanese and half somewhat, East Indian but that just did not cut it with her, but since I looked more East Indian than Japanese she decided to continue on with the interview. I ended up doing a personality test and I ended up passing that... haha how can you fail one of those anyways...? Unless, you're a dumb idiot...oh wait a second...

ANYWAYS, after the interview I went to main street for some shopping and met up with PJ to go to metrotown for Becky's gift. We spent like, 4 hours at the mall when eventually settling on something. Then, at Chapters we get a call from Louise telling her to come to her party. We ended up going to her party and it was a total sausage fest. It was Louise, her girlfriend (?) Rahima, John Duffield, this flamer named Deepak and some other randoms but the best part was that Josh was there. You know, the one that stole my wallet way back when... haha we're cool now.. I guess. That party was spent drinking free booze, smoking cigarettes, smoking cig butts found on the ground and drunk dialing. Oh, and dancing to Calvin Harris and telling everyone I sucked him off (which I didn't btw.. obvz).

The NEXT DAY, was spent at work and at night I get a call from Josh and he said he wanted to do something so we decided to go to the cambie. I called PJ up and then we all drove downtown. The line for the Cambie was fucking huge and the crowd looked lame so we decided to go to Saturday's hipster night... the met. It was pretty fun... it was pretty much Bob Dylan, sticky floors, hot guys, rude girls, American Apparel, homeless, Native people, retards, cheap drinks, wheelchairs and fun times. Afterwards, at like, 3 we decided to hit up the casino where Josh won 18.50 and I lost 5.00.

THEN THE NEXT DAY, early in the morn I get a call saying I passed the test and have to do another two interviews so I had to make my way downtown again for another interview. It was actually quite hard because they asked me such dumb idiot questions. After the interview, she told me not to mention that I was half Asian to my next interviewer because she was looking for East Indians as well. Ummm, wtf? So, I ended up going to my next interview and it went okay until it was time to role play. I fucking hate role playing... especially when I'm being judged. Soooo, I totally screwed that part up, not to mention I'm not EAST INDIAN. Which I am by the way, well sort of... so you know what? Luxottica can suck my non existant balls. I can take my skills (wait, what?) elsewhere.

After it was Becky's birthday dinner. It was good, fun times were had. It was awkward... I guess. I was trying not to make it be but it still was. All I have to say though is, if you offer something someone for free you shouldn't be a bitch about it... just take it, even if you don't like it and stop being an ungrateful little bitch.

The end.

Oh, I saw CSS and Raconteurs this week. Both bands, amazing. The Kills also killed it as did SSION and Tilly. I cannot wait for Cold War Kids but I especially cannot wait for Chromeo and my blow job partner Calvin Harris. EEEEEE.

Starting over again

Okay, I know I always say this but... I'm going to start writing in this damn thing again. It was either going to be this or livejournal again... but I'm not too keen on livejournal because... I don't know. Hahaha.

I'm in Coquitlam right now. It's alright, close to school and free rent. Woo-hoo.

Geez, I know now why I don't write in this damn thing, my life is so dang boring.

I did see Bad Religion yesterday. It was sold out but the crowd was def. not as intense as NOFX. I didn't get stitches or anything of that nature. I like to think I'm pretty tough when it comes to "moshing" and big crowds. I can withstand being in a crowd of 1000+ people and not have a slight feeling of claustophobia. On the way home the taxi driver made a detour to Marine Drive to help out some lost truck driver. I was kind of pissed because it was already 12:45 and had to get up for school in less than 6 hours but it was either get in the car with him or wait for another taxi so I decided to get in the car.

I don't like school. I feel like people are talking about me and saying things about me. I don't know, I know I'm probably just paranoid.... but I really think people are talking about me. I think I'll do better this year than last for sure, I have less distractions this year and I'm trying just to concentrate on school work this time around. Also, I only go to school 3x a week and work 3x a month so I have LOTS of time to do schoolwork.

On that note, I need a job. I'm going to look for optical work first and if that fails I will look into retail. I honestly don't want to go that route.

Also, I need to lose weight or at least eat more healthier. I don't understand how some Asian people can eat instant noodles everyday of their life and still be skinny and somewhat healthy.

MY TOP 5

1. La Eyeworks, Bent. (You will be mine soon my dear...)

2. Amy Winehouse - The Ska EP 7"

3. Jamie All Over by Mayday Parade (I honestly have to listen to that song everyday or I cannot start my day)

4. Burberry

5. Oli Sykes