What Kind Of Fool Doesn't Think About It...

I skipped school today. Kind of. At 5AM I felt so fucking sick. I had a headache and couldn't get up. I am fine now. Still a bit tired feeling and lots of flem. FRICK.

At least now I can study for my test tomorrow. I should've started a few days ago. What the hell did I do for the past few days. NOTHING. NADDA. Except go to work the last two days but that doesn't count.

I asked my mum what being called "not physically attractive" meant. And she said that it meant that it was the same as being called ugly. So, I'm ugly. This damn comment has been on my mine for the past days now. FRICK.

- M

& Party & Bullshit

Lately I've been spending g's like it ain't no thang.

I need to stop now, I'm seriously running out of funds... so much so I'm afraid I can't go to the UK. And I need to go there, for real.

I'm also stressing the fuck out about school. My brain is still on winter vacation, I swear. And for some reason I never have time to do homework. I need to stop going out. More specifically dining out. Even more specifically, paying for people. Becky still owes me $100.00!

I'm also stressing out about my physical appearance. The dude I'm seeing told me he didn't find me physically attractive. I was kind of bummed because he just called me ugly in a way. I admit, I knew he thought so... but did he have to tell me that he thought that way about me? I told him I didn't like the way he dressed and I felt super bad about that but... hmmmm. Josh says he's lying because he still has sex with me every freaking week but I just think he is just desperate and I'm the only girl that will sleep with him and until he finds someone else to do the deed with I will have to surfice.

I asked him if he was using me for sex and he said "no". But for some reason I don't believe him. This is like the Blain thing all over again except more nice since Blain and I never really talked when people were around. Haha. Nor did we really hang out one-on-one.

I am sick and all this stressing out probably won't make me feel any better. G'damn.

I need to lose weight. I need to find time for things. I need money. I need lots of things.