Day Tripper

So, I want school to be over now. I'm so over it. Unfortunately, when school ends I have to start paying off my student loans which I'm not too stoked about. I kind of like school though in a way because it keeps me grounded y'know? What would I be doing if I wasn't in school? Probably fucking around, drinking and doing drugs every night which isn't cool. This winter break though, was pretty much one of the best winter breaks I've ever had.

My winter break consisted of lots sex, drugs and rock 'n roll. For real. And lots of lounging around and hanging out with family and friends. Haha. It was so fun though and I just want to rewind. Why can't we just rewind?

Anyways, I've been thinking about myself and my love life a lot lately. Even though I wasn't too stoked about being tied down, it feels kind of nice you know? Someone there to cuddle with and talk to and just generally hang out with.... Every guy I seem to meet though has been a douchebag. Yu and I were talking about that yesterday and she agreed. So I decided something, if the next few guys I meet and date are douchebags, I'm swearing off men forever.

Yu #2 is leaving for Japan in two days. I am kind of sad because now who am I going to go to shows with? The last show we went together was Soulwax all the way in October. We did E (him for the first time) and had some fun times. Now he is leaving and I am sad. Now who will I go to shows with? Haha. Oh well, I'm meeting him for some tea tomorrow so at least I get to see him before I never get to see him again. Haha.

I am supposed to go to court on Thursday... maybe. I think? I wrote a written reasons report but didn't send it in until 4 weeks ago and still haven't got a reply... mind you I haven't been home in two days... but I doubt it will come! I don't want to go to court!! I'm scared and if the cop who gave me the ticket shows up I have to pay! Stupid me. Don't drink on the skytrain kids.

I need to start eating less but seriously, when I'm stressed I eat and eat and eat. What do I have to be stressed out about? Lots. I stress out about myself and other people. I really need to stop that.

- m.

Spending G's

So, I met this dude on NYE at the Biltmore. I was fucking high out of my mind and I guess I started making out with him. I brought him back to Becky's house with us thinking it would be a one night stand. Well, this dude was totally nice and not a total douchebag the next day like they usually are.. haha.

I guess twice a week since new years, we've met up and hung out and fucked.

I admit, at first I didn't really "like" him but then after talking to him I grew to like him, because although we are totally different people we have a lot to say. I guess we kind of decided on an open relationship where you know, where we can fuck other people basically. I was cool since I don't want to be tied down anyways you know... Not at age twenty anyways, and I don't really believe in monogamous relationships. Anyways, everytime we meet up we always get drunk or do drugs of some sort. I'm not too sure why but we did.

Two times that we did hang out though, was pretty shitty. We got pretty drunk (hellllllllllllo 151) and exchanged some words. Even though he apologized I think part of it was my fault since I was the one that aggravated him by disagreeing with everything he was saying or saying he was lying. I think that the last Saturday was the worst though.

We decided that before we were going to see Metronomy we were going to drop acid. I have never done acid before so I had no idea what to expect. I did two hits of acid and didn't really feel anything until Fan Death played. THEN I WAS FUCKED. I couldn't even see where I was walking, I was seeing waves and colours were more vivid. I left himat the venue because I didn't want to ruin his chances with getting with another girl and I knew if I was with him I would probably cling on to him not knowing where to go.. and plus I didn't want to ruin his trip. So, I watched the show and danced by myself but after Metronomy played I got totally paranoid thinking if he did leave me at the show how the hell would I get home since all my stuff was at his house and I had no idea where exactly he lived and how I could get a taxi. I talked to the guys from Metronomy for a while and then called Becky who then gave the phone to James who helped me out a lot! It was rad because I thought he was mad at me (long story, another entry) and he had a bad trip himself once. Thank goodness I eventually found him who was talking to this girl from highschool who's friend had a huge crush on him in high school and even stalked him (all together now, "awwww") and then she asked if we were going out. I said "no" because obviously I didn't want to ruin his chances with her and he obviously found her attractive. So eventually we left and waited for a taxi and finally found one. When we got back to his place, I was still feeling it and we just sat there and chilled. There were lots of disagreements and I really, really aggravated him. He said some things that made me upset like, "don't get hung up on me.." and when I said I wasn't he was pissed and other things like "I'm only keeping you around until someone better comes around" which he admitted the next morning to be true(!!!) so I was thinking, is this guy a douchebag and like he'll find someone more attractive and be like, "see ya Michelle". I was kind of bummed. He was also kind of angry when we had sex afterwards so of course it wasn't that enjoyable. By 6AM I was still feeling the acid and decided to stay up and pull an allnighter since I had to work the next day at 12:30. In the morning though, he apologized and I swore he cried. I didn't know what to say or how to feel so I just accepted his apology.

I went to work and afterwards we decided to see a movie. We saw Nortorious (which is totally amazing by the way) and before the movie he apologized about everything and wanted to "start fresh" and I agreed and accepted because it was pretty sincere.

Also, while I was at work he wrote this poem:

"From your chromosomes to the symmetrical unity of your bones
you come equipped with luscious lips, voluptuous hips,and a gyrating fix which hits me faster than an acid trip.
When we kiss our eyes become transfixed like the infinite sunshine with its magnetic mix,
so fix me a jin and tonic while I roll some kronik
and we’ll let the ashes disintegrate as we fornicate."

I loved it but I'm still unsure about things. It was also kind of awkward after the movie but we'll see how it goes.

I hate being confused.

- m

PS= Don't do acid in public places.